I dug a hole that I, myself cannot get out of, and at this point, I am ready to give up, ready to stop trying and accept thatabove the hole I dug and am lost for eternirt in, they are trying to intoxicate me with thus dirt in an evil rage.




+++So take me+ Let it out+ And ++DESTROY++ me+++

yeaa...heres what im writingin now......http://www.livejournal.com/users/rawkr07/

These last 2 days have been depressing. I haven't seen rain in 2 months and then as soon as I come back to lovely (not) Ohio there's rain. And lots of it. I feel different from when I left, I'm not the same girl that left Ohio. This summer changed me. I am more focused on what I want to do (when I'm older, like college and so on and so fourth) like I was saying, I'm more focused on what I want to do and how I want to do it and how I am going to acheive it. This summer I proved to myself that I can do whatever I want to do. I know I can. And I also know that I am going to channel that to becoming a veterinarian (speciallizing in equine and cattle [horses and cows]) A lot more things interest me now. When we were unfortunately driving back across country and leaving California all of the countryside just fascinates me. It's like all of a sudden it just came aware to me, I guess the same way that it became aware to Ansel Adams, which by the way is a brillant photographer, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, I am going back to California in December to castrate my bulls and then they will become steers. My uncle said that all I have to do is find a cheap ticket and the days that I can come out and he would pay for it. So that is what I am going to be looking out for in the upcoming months.

I pick my schedule up on Monday or Tuesday and then I get to see if I have any classes with any of my friends.

Anyway I'm out, I'm going to go back to looking up more information on colleges and such.

I knew that this year was going to be like every other year before it...

It's the night/day before we have to leave to go back to Ohio and I start thinking about things and I always end up crying because I don't want to go back becuase I love it out here so much.

I'm scared....How will I react when I go back to the city? I really don't know what I will do.

There will be NOTHING to do.

I won't have anything depending on me for survival. (For your entertainment here are the animals that depend on me for survival: 4 dogs, 1 bird, 3 cats, 2 horses, 7 calves, 2 pigs, 4 donkies, and 4 goats.)

When I go back to the city, I honestly do not know what I will do. I may be bored stiff.

Out here. I love it out here. I plan to move out here when I am older. I want to go to college out here, University of California at Davis, hopefully. There are any more opportunities out here for me in the mean time before college. I could join 4-H or FFA, or I could even join both.

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i talked to Alex today and he told me his dreams and everything about them and how he wants to become a plastic surgeon or a brain surgeon and then he wants to move to London, England and be a doctor there and marry and have kids and then travel the world...

So hes all, im being completely serious and real about this, would you move to london, england with me?

So of course, I said yes definitely!

I love my alex hes so sweet.....

i could never imagine marrying him though, i cant even imagine seeing him more than a friend, its weird, in the beginning i saw him more than a friend and vice verse for me, but no not anymore! lol

Anyway nothing else has really been going on, other than i think i might throw up again :-(


i really hope i get better by the time that wednesday rolls around, no one even knows how bad i want to go to the vet's hospital and shadow the equine veterinarian, AFTER ALL, that is what i want to do when i am older

I want to become a veterinarian speciallizing in horses and cattle....

I want that more than anything in the whole world...

last night i was watching Hard Rock Live on MTV2 and realized that I really want to Story of the Year CD, badly.

they also decided against taking me to the hospital, which is good for me, since i didnt want to go in the first place, i got food poisoning saturday at 12 noon and i havent been able to eat ever since, i threw up 12 times in 16 hours and just yea, it wasnt good, but this morning i have managed to get some food down, and it hasnt come back up....I was so weak this morning i couldnt even feed my own calves, and i was mad that i couldnt and that i couldnt eat,

Yesterday we had a party....it was cool, i couldnt eat anything though so GAR!!!!



umm.......im out peace

Yea, so they are definitely making me go to the hospital in about oh say, 5 minutes, in the past 16 hours i have thrown up 12 times, and yea i have to go now...................

and did i mention , i feel liek shit???

Right, So I have a lot of things that I really need to vent about. Everything is about Devon. It's like I don't have anything of my own anymore, she takes/ wears my clothes, ALL THE TIME, she wears all my make-up, and then ends up ruining it :+:FIGURES:+: and then she takes all of my music, which before she swore up and down that she hated, and she also talks to my friends on the internet sometimes and pretends to be me, and what she says...who the hell knows,

Wow, I thought that would have taken a lot more room than just that.

anyway right now I have 2 options: 1. Go back to Ohio.
                                          2. Go to school out here in California.

Well, I am going to go back home, but everyone has let me know that my options are open and that upon my decision I can live out here and go to school out here.

I love the ++MUSIC++ out here, it's so AlIvE And just plain awesome, 'tis wonderful

I have found that I cannot wait to get back home, I actually want school to start, I want to see everyone! I want to go to Homecoming! lol I wish it was next weekend!! Anyway I have been really deprived this summer...Of people my age. And that sucks a lot of balls, let me tell you. Well, I'll be back sooner than I know it, and I will get to see people then! Alright well another thing+++-- i really cannot wait to get home because I want to see my BASS GUITAR that my sister bought me for my birthday and jam the hell out of it+++--

Alright well I guess I'm out, late kids

rAnDoM tHoUgHt= Does anyone actually read this? Or am I just talking to myself? Please let me know if you are reading this,....that is....if anyone reads this at alll.....